Enough StarCraft nerd – man up and get sexy with your videogames

Really though, can you imagine introducing this game to your friends?

“Oh, hi Bob, hi Linda. Church was great wasn’t it? Well, dinner is almost ready, but in the meantime, do you guys want to try out the Wii? Great. First, Linda, I need you to take this Wii remote and put it down your pants and then bend over my knee so I can spank you while we fly together on screen. Don’t worry Bob, you’ll get your turn.”

A frog in boiling water

I have been getting really into this game called StarCraft lately. It is a strategy game where you gather resources and build up armies. Jon and I play this game together sometimes and today I sent him an email with a description of a game I recently played. Before sending the email I read it over and was awestruck at the complete and total nerdiness of it. Remember when Jon used to sit and play World of Warcraft in his room at Awesome City? I would listen to him talk about the game as he played it and I just laughed and laughed because it was like he was speaking some nerdy foreign language. Now, years later, I have have found myself speaking the exact same way.

So, I am copying my email here so that everyone can bask in my unabashed nerdiness. Enjoy!
Hey Jon,
This morning I played a game of SC2 and I got matched up against a 13th ranked diamond Terran. Surprisingly the game went into the late game, to the point where every expansion on Xel’naga Caverns was taken and I had even mined out my gold expo by the final conflict. I started out going 3 gates and 2 forges into expansion and stuck with gateway units the entire game. I just kept the upgrades running constantly. In the late-midgame I got out two robo facilities and pumped double Colossus. I totally won the first big battle of the game, but when I pushed to his gold he had his SCVs auto-repair the Planetary Fortress and I couldn’t get a surround. So I had to back out. We traded armies two more times but he was one expansion over me by the late game and I just couldn’t do enough DPS to his Thors even with my 3-2 Chargelots. Before the final push I hallucinated a ton of colossi and that helped me tank a ton of damage and wipe out his army. Unfortunately by this point he had killed the probes at my only mining expansion and since he still had two mining bases he could build up a whole new army while I was flat broke with only a few units left. I had to GG at that point but it was a really good game. My APM must have been through the roof.