R.I.P. Ultimate Warrior

Mean Jean: First of all, what happened tonight? … Ultimate Warrior?
Ultimate Warrior: What happened tonight!? Was already written Hulk Hogan. IT WAS WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO! When the warriors that came before me and you they saw to it that what we must do IS BEYOND US HULK HOGAN!
I stood – with my back to you Hulk Hogan AND I KNEW YOU WOULD NOT COME! But, Hulk Hogan, when I looked into your eyes, I saw a world, A WORLD FILLED WITH FEAR! Fear that ran thick through you, Hulk Hogan.
At Royal Rumble, I NEED NO FRIENDS I need no partners. Every man stands by his self, like the Ultimate Warrior ALWAYS HAS! But Hulk Hogannnn, you still do not understand, you still have mistrust, I need not your protection Hulk Hogan…
LOOK ON THE WALLS!

Mean Jean: Please! Please!

Ultimate Warrior: …at the Joe Louis Arena!

Mean Jean: What in the world?

Ultimate Warrior: THE WARRIORS THAT COULD NOT COME have attached themselves to the outer structure, Hulk Hogan. THEY’RE SEEPING THROUGH, fueling me, feeding me, with the power to survive. They ride on my back FOR MY PROTECTION! I need not you Hulk Hogan — and if you look closer you’ll notice red and yellow – the colors of Hulkamania – Hulkamanicas that are … questioning. Do you have, Hulk Hogan, what it takes to bE THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE?

Hulk Hogan, look at meee Hulk Hogan. LOOK AT ME!

Mean Jean: Please!

Ultimate Warrior: Without the paint Hulk Hogan, the desire to withstand the pain and give you the utmost in battle and combat at Wrestlemania 6 still stands … Hulk Hogan… for I am the chosen one.
Mean Jean: I get the impression that we’ve got a loose cannon on our hands ladies and gentlemen, with the Ultimate Warrior.

More Prog Rock

I’ve listened to this song like 6 times a day every day for the last few days. I don’t get tired of it, I don’t know why.

These guys play 8 string guitars and are led by a rad guitar player named Tosin Abasi. Here’s the rig rundown video. Fast forward to 8:50 for a rundown on his crazy driftwood guitar.

My Apologies

I think I owe all of you guys a return phone call. I apologize for not getting back to you promptly. That’s a bad habit and I need to work on it.

Anyway, for those that haven’t heard, Rose and I are expecting a little baby around July 4, 2014. I really hope it comes that day. We haven’t found out the gender yet but I’m hoping for either a boy or a girl.

Rose has been pretty sick for the last 12 weeks or so, but we’re hoping that fades away as things progress.

Hope you all are well and are planning to have a very happy, safe and loving holiday. I know I am!

This is pretty much what I’ve got planned.

My Best Metal Songs of the Past Two Years or So

These weren’t released within the last 2 years, but I found them within the last 2 years. Try not to poop your pants listening to these and if you don’t listen to them on a decent set of headphones (i.e. not earbuds) or speakers, then I pity you because you’re missing the experience. If you’re listening on a pair of Beats by Dr. Dre headphones, then you paid too much for your headphones.

First up is Dethklok – Go Into the Water

Crunchy and compressed low-tuned guitars, scratchy-screamed vocals, soaring leads, and plenty of double bass drum fill out this choice track. The epic theme of a body transforming into what is basically Aquaman of the Black Lantern Corp pretty much rules.

Black Lantern Aquaman, King of Deathlantis

Next up are two more water-themed metal songs from midwest metal heroes, Mastodon.

Mastodon Blood and Thunder

This song has everything. Radical guitar duet interlude? Check. Epic lyrics based on Captain Ahab hunting the white whale? Check. Arthurian allusions? Check. Practically constant double bass drum with lots of frantic fills? Check. Syncopation? Check. Lots of chicka chicka on the guitar? Yes. Palm Muting? Of course. This song is missing nothing.

Mastodon – Seabeast

Also from the album entitled “Leviathan,” this one slows is down a little bit but still rocks. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT listen to the live version. The verse parts of this song are sung by the lead guitar player and not the regular singer and the dude cannot sing in tune. Also, he cannot be understood. None of that matters though because he plays an acrylic flying v with an aluminum neck.

Playing metal on a metal guitar means you win at life.

There is constant guitar power-chording that makes this song awesome and the regular singer comes in and saves it in the choruses. This song automatically wins for referencing Mr. Queequeg because I don’t think any metal song ever has or ever will again.

Between the Buried and Me – Astral Body

This is technically prog-metal, but it still counts. Though their band name is unfortunate, this song kicks some serious butt. You’ve got non-stop chugging guitar and bass riffs that lead to a call and answer that reminds me for some reason of V’GER from Star Trek the Motion Picture.

Then, you are annihilated with some classic screaming vocals counterpointed by frenetic guitar leads. Shrugging the traditional verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus paradigm, this song goes from an instrumental to a hard hitting scream piece, to a ballad taking us on a space journey best exemplified by the following pictures:

Axe Cop

Borg-Picard-Mufasa


Superman v. Doomsday what?

That’s all for now.

Lockout

So after a long time after reading Dave’s awesome review, I finally got to see Lockout during the Thanksgiving holiday. If you haven’t seen it, I’d say you should because it is like Escape from New York but in space and less 1970’s grit. Basically, a special forces dude wrongfully convicted of a crime he did not commit (Snow) is the only guy that can save the President’s daughter who is trapped in a space-prison orbiting the earth.

 If that synopsis isn’t enough to convince you to watch it, here are some choice lines to pique your interest (just so you know, Emilie Warnock is the President’s daughter):

Harry Shaw: We could send in one man. One man with one very specific order. To get Emilie Warnock out.
President Warnock: Who? [cuts to]
Snow: I’d rather castrate myself with blunt rocks.

Emilie Warnock: Who are you? Who sent you?
Snow: Your old man did.
Emilie Warnock: My dad. What did he say?
Snow: Well, I didn’t get to meet him personally. He kind of delegated your rescue. He had a big conference on the corn surplus.
Emilie Warnock: You’re kidding me?
Snow: No. No, apparently, we should all be eating more corn.
Emilie Warnock: About my father?
Snow: Oh, yeah. I made that other bit up.
Emilie Warnock: Did he have a message for me?
Snow:, Yes. You are adopted.

All in all, I’d give it 3/5 or 6.5/10. It’s no Commando, but definitely a good addition to the genre.

Visions of the Future

The gas will evnetually run out, so we can all ride around in these. It will also solve the obesity problem, which will eventually solve the health care problem.

To travel long distances, we can use high speed rail powered by electromagnets. That way, the only friction is air. Planes will be obsolete because for really, really long distances we will just email ourselves somewhere and get printed out in an organic 3D printer.

Also we will genetically engineer a tree that fruits perfectly marbled filet mignon, which will taste just like the real thing, but it will have the nutritional value of eating kale, spinach, blueberries, and whatever other super food.

Also, all the drinking fountains will be root beer!

Where to buy the above surrey