Finally, a Presidential Candidate Jon Stoffer Can Support 100%

That’s right, Washington lawyer, Andrew D. Blasiago. Former CIA chrononaut is about to blow the lid off the top secret time travel program (among other things) that the US Govt. has kept in the dark[o] the past 40 years. He’s tired of the US Govt. [12] monkeying around with time travel and giving the last 4 presidents, as well as himself, foreknowledge of their presidencies. You can trust Andy because he’s not only studied the Gettysburg Address, he went back and heard it live. You know its true cause someone snapped a pic. You better get prime[r]d to vote for this guy. I’m putting all my 1.21 gigawatts in. Are you?






If these proposals aren’t enough to get your vote, I seriously question your moral and ethical foundation. With President Basiago we will surely be heading to a future where we will finally be excellent to each other.


  1. hahaha, I had been planning to sit this sorry excuse for an election out, but now that I know Andy’s running he definitely has my vote. I would probably press Andy, however, to formally disclose Project Watercloset, which was Bill Clinton’s initial foray into genetic engineering (produced the species our friends are quite familiar with, the nasty colon cats).


  2. Mark — Andrew Basiago knew that you’d vote for Evan McMullin because, as a former CIA employee or contractor or whatever, McMullin is obviously an artificially intelligent cyborg sent forward in time by President Bill Clinton to try to stop Basiago from defeating his wife, Hillary. (Who is actually his optimal genetic match chosen by his reptilian shape-shifting overlords or a demon, not sure which).


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