So I was in a room with a crazy guy for about 6 hours. Here’s some things he yelled.
1. I NEED COCAINE! (He yelled this louder than I’ve ever yelled anything. It started when he asked me for a coke. I foolishy said, “Coke, like cocaine.” He agreed that cocaine was a good idea and despite all the yelling I couldn’t really help him. Cocaine just wasn’t available)
2. I WANT TO SCRATCH MY PENIS! (This one is self explanatory. His penis itched, his hands were tied down and I said, “Sorry man you can’t scratch your penis.”)
3. I’M DON JOHNSON! (Yes he means Don Johnson from Miami Vice. I think he’d recently watched Harley Davidson and the Maraboro Man. A rather excellent movie I saw once with Howard in Mexico. Anyway he eventually demanded that I call 911 and tell them that Don Johnson was being held captive. I made a pretend phone call and told him that Tubbs was on the way. Tubbs was Don Johnson’s partner on Miami Vice. His response was, “Really, Tubbs is coming.” My response was, “Yes, he’s on his way.”)